I have been married for 4 years. On our fourth year, I found out I was expecting! That was the greatest news. Expected to due on 14.4.2019 but little one choose to come out early. I was conducting a course on 2.4.2019. Going back home (6hours journey) on 3.4.2019. Giving birth on 4.4.2019 night in antenatal ward. It all happened very fast. But then it comes to the saddest part, I don't have breastmilk at all. No secretion, nothing comes out at all.
My baby was on formula milk for 3 days. On the 4th day, eventually my milk comes out, but it was hardly 1 ounce. Then my baby got jaundice. I was very desperate, sad & down because I have to give her formula milk mix with breast milk for the moment. My nipples are inverted & wounded. It was not a wonderful journey at first. It was painful, scary, frustrating & I feel very vulnerable. But I have to be strong!! Towards the end of first month I finally able to breast feed her properly. She was able to latching properly and finally my milk comes out.
When it comes to the end of my maternity leave, she was about 3 months old. I purposely extend my maternity leave because going to work means I have to be separated from my baby, not for 8hours but 5 days per week. It was extremely tough. She refuses all formula milk although she can properly feed on feeding bottle. I have to restock a lot of expressed breast milk. Day and night, I gone through a very hard time, thinking about how to go for work far away and only come back to my baby during weekends.
Now it has been 1year and my baby still fully breastfeeding. I was transferred back to hometown recently, which mean, seeing my baby everyday! Yay! Thinking back, it was very tough, fully breastfeed and yet separated hundreds miles away. Sometimes I have to post my breastmilk when her EBM stock getting low. It is hard but I'm trying my very best to provide her the best of best. She still direct feed when I was around during weekends. 6 hours driving was worthwhile when you reach home to someone who always wait for her booby milk.
Transferring back to hometown means I am having hectic working hours. Being a health inspector, and this is Covid19 time. Plus my baby is still breastfeeding. I have to make time to express my breastmilk. It was so hard that I wanted to give up a lot of time. There was time when I was tired or stressed out with my work, the milk doesn't comes out as per expected. It decreased a lot. Having a positive mind and supportive family is so much important in this situation. Hoping this pandemic end soon (so daddy whom is a health care frontliner too, can finally come back home) and I can really spend more time staying home with my baby.